Greeting and Salutations ye maggot laden readers of the blog,
Welcome back, aye after Monday and Wednesday the putrid air here abouts is like a fresh breeze, what say.
We’re continuing our interviews of famous authors today, albeit they are from beyond the grave. Normally I know who is coming, but this week there seems to be some confusion, I’m sure that rotting piece of cat entrails Dave had something to do with it. Or maybe the spirits decided to surprise me. Last week Edgar Allen Poe promised to put in a word for me with H.P. Lovecraft. I do hope Mr. Lovecraft is coming and true to his nature, he is being mysterious about it.
A nearby gravestone overturns and from the mist walks…
GD: “I’m sorry, I was expecting someone else.”
“I’m sure you were old hoss.” He said with a smile that never reached his eyes. “But I’m who you get.”
GD: “Yes. And you would be?”
The apparition stepped in closer. Too close. “It’s going to be like that is it, old hoss?” His voice was smooth, calm, and intimidating.
GD: “I don’t mean to offend, I really don’t recognize you.” Digger backs off a step to create some room. “Ye are sporting a mighty pungent odor.”
“I’m a little fresher than those dried out husks you’ve been chatting up. I’m Richard Bachman. You know me now?”
GD: “Aye, but you aren’t real your just a–pen name.”
“RB: “Don’t go losing your happy thoughts there hoss, you know what happens when you lose your happy thoughts, don’t you?”
GD: “If memory serves me right, you fall out of the sky.”
RB: “That’s right old hoss, see now, I think we’ll get on just fine, you just keep them happy thoughts. I can smell fear on you Digger.”
GD: “I think that’s coming from over there. Moving right along, let’s talk about your body of work. There was Rage, The long Walk, Roadwork, and the The Running Man. Four stark and chilling novels.”
RB: “Let’s not forget Thinner, one of my favorites. Then The Regulators and Blaze. There are others too.”
GD: “If I’d known you was coming I’d baked you cake, but as it is, I’ve not prepared.”
RB: “Of course Digger old boy, I don’t mean to offend.”
GD: “Good to know. So back to Thinner, yes, I remember it well, the strawberry pie, wow. What a brilliant ending. Now The Regulators and Blaze were both published postmortem as I recall.”
RB: “About that, you see, that’s kind of why I’m here. I was cut down in my prime. Lot’s of good stories left up here.” He taps his temple with a finger. “If you catch my drift? I plan on telling them too. I’ve just to get Stevo’s attention.”
GD: “How do you plan to get his attention? Surely, you don’t think Stephen King reads Dave’s silly blog.”
RB: This elicits a soft terrifying laugh. “No Digger old boy, our Mr King is much to important to be reading this fluff. Although if he knew I was coming, maybe. No, of course not. First things first, there is a thing to square away with that bookstore clerk. Mr. Steve Brown and me, we have a little settling up to do. After that I’ll be getting in touch with Stevo.”
GD: “With all due respect Mr. Bachman, how exactly are you going to do anything, you are as the say, passed on? I believe you succumbed to a rare form of pseudonym cancer.”
RB: A pearl handled straight razor flashes in front of Digger’s face. “I’ll show you what a pseudonym can do to that ugly mug of your’s if keep it up Digger old boy.”
GD: “I don’t yield to threats Mr. Bachman. Now let’s get back to your writing and save this other stuff for another time.” The moon light reflects off the blade as it whispers past Digger’s face. “Or not.”
RB: “We can talk about my new book after I take care of some personal business, but right now I’ve got to travel.”
GD: “Where are you going? My arrangement decrees that no spirit leave the cemetery.”
RB: “Endsville, where all rail service terminates. That’s where I’m going.”
GD: “But you can’t leave the cemetery. This is–
RB: “Wrong again old hoss, I can and will be leaving here. So, all you good folks out there keep a weather eye out for my next book it’s going to be a killer.” He let’s loose that sinister laugh and walks away. His tall hulking form and broad shoulders obscuring the moon light.
GD: “He’s a mean one.”
Thank you Digger, for that strange interview. If any of you can reach Stephen King, you might warn him that the starlings are flying. So here’s a quotation from, Stephen King, On Writing.
“Description begins in the writer’s imagination, but should finish in the reader’s.”
A footnote: Mr. Bachman’s personality traits closely resemble those of George Stark, from the Stephen King novel The Dark Half.
Thanks for tuning in,