Greetings and Salutations you desiccated horde of maggot droppings, and readers of the blog,
Digger here to help guide you through another Friday the Thirteenth.
Many, like that useless sack of cow dung masquerading as a writer, believe this is reason enough to hide in a cave all day. However there are precautions that must be taken on Friday the 13th, First your must consider that Fridays in general are hazardous, Friday has been considered unlucky since the fourteenth century, when you factor in the integer 13, (Aye, you thought because I’m a grave digger I’m uneducated, you have much to learn about Digger) and you have a fair amount of bad luck lurking over your shoulder.
Let’s begin with the basics. You should not change your bed on this day because it brings bad dreams. If you pass a funeral procession on this day some one will die on the following day. If you cut your hair a family member will die. Trim your nails and bad luck will surely follow. Never start a journey, a business, set sail, or consult an astrologer on this day. If you were unlucky enough to have been born on Friday the Thirteenth you should pick yourself out a nice cardboard box and live under a bridge.
While we are exorcising caution, I must also warn the more common faux pas are multiplied ten fold on this day. For example if you break a mirror forget seven years, you’re in for seventy years of bad luck. See a pin, you best pick it up. Always leave through the door you enter from. For the knitters out there, you should not leave a project unfinished or the intended recipient will have bad luck. I could go on here, but you have your own superstitions and I will let you wrestle with those as best you can.
If you are of the camp of scoffers, allow me to run some statistics by you.
More than 80 percent of high-rises lack a 13th floor. Many airports skip the 13th gate. Airplanes have no 13th aisle. Hospitals and hotels regularly have no room number 13. Italians omit the number 13 from their national lottery. On streets in Florence, Italy, the house between number 12 and 14 is addressed as 12 and a half. Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue. In France, socialites known as the quatorziens (fourteeners) once made themselves available as 14th guests to keep a dinner party from an unlucky fate. Many triskaidekaphobes, as those who fear the unlucky 13 are known, point to the ill-fated mission to the moon, Apollo 13.
According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the U.S. are affected by a fear of this day.
If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil’s luck. Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo and David Benneman all have 13 letters in their names. I ask you, is this all coincidence? I fear not. I’ve warned you about keeping Dave’s company in the past, now maybe you will heed my advice.
So while you are merrily reading this post I am safely hunkered down at the cemetery, inside a circle of salt, sleeping with my head to the north, clutching a rabbit’s foot. My clothes are inside out, this keeps evil spirits at bay. I will abstain from using any and all technology today (this blog is actually posting on Thursday). Cars, computers, phones, and the internet are certain paths to the destruction of your soul. Even two cans and a string can lead the forces of evil to your door on Friday the Thirteen. I’m risking a small fire to keep the chill off, but rest assured I’ll be knocking three times on each piece of wood I sacrifice to the gods of warmth and light.
I advise you to take heed, unless you are the seventh son of a seventh son, today will test you.
Next Friday we’ll resume our visits with the dead. By the way the old crone who lives in the cemetery is having a sale on charms and spells for the holiday. I bought this warthog tusk from her. It may not be pretty, but she guaranteed it will keep me safe.
Todays Quote comes from the blues song Born Under A Bad Sign, lyrics penned by William Bell.
“Born under a bad sign, been down since I began to crawl If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all”
Thanks for dropping by. If I missed any of your favorite superstitions please leave them in comments box. It’s that rectangle that appears below label comment.